The Glistening Tortoise
est 2023

CULTURE. NEW PODCAST MATE!   THE DEBACLE OF PROPHECY 1989   TEABAG TERRY and SWIZZ discuss the infamous smashing up of TOY TOWN in 1989...

FILM NEWS Super fans of ex-violent loony CHARL COCONUT  reacted philosophically last night after world peace manifested in every mind and...

HISTORY #OnThisDayGT in 1992 Barry 'the bald headed' Barstad crowned himself the ‘Ardest bloke up The Mouse booze kettle after he bested...

LOCAL NEWS: 'TOWN SELECTED TO TRIAL FIRST OFFICIAL HOOLIGAN PUB' “TOWN can’t fucking wait for the re-opening of THE PUNCH BOWL booze...

Art Review by Peter le Musk “I’VE ALWAYS BEEN MUCKY” states local wanker ‘Pervy’ Reg – a description not intended to be pejorative - Reg...

A ROMANTIC EVENING I’m gonna it the first bloke I see The first bloke I see lookin at me When I chin I’m I’ll break me wrist I won’t...

HANGIN Don’t leave me Cliff ya hanger You knob’ead You dick You tit Don’t leave me Cliff you hanger Tell me the next fuckin bit! © the...

A CAN’T A can’t gerrout I’m trapped in a book It wants me to writ it Writ it in this voice an Writ it good A can’t see out I’m trapped in...

WATCHIN I’m watchin you Giffa One wrong move an yer nicked I’m trained to catch yer Giffa I know wot to do an I’ll do it Prisons too good...

THE LIGHT When I see you Giffa I’m gonna have ya No no Not like that I mean I’m gonna chin ya Then dance on yer bonce like a twat See I...

PILCHARDS LIKE US Think you can write Giffa? Yor nuthin Yer cant even writ yer own name Yer don’t know enough words to write Giffa Who do...

PORTALOO Go on Giffa Say it Say yer want a ruck Gab something insulting Come on yer ugly fuck You think yor Ard But you int I’ll beat ya...

BOOK EXTRACT: CHAPTER TWO: WALK OF SHAME by 'Lightning' Pete Giffa WALK OF SHAME Me poem took shape in me bonce. I kept gabbin words then...

BOOK EXTRACT: Chapter One: 'ARD' by 'Lightning' Pete Giffa I ain’t never not been Ard. I had to be. The estate I grew up on were once...

Books/True Crime Autobiography of The Month [An Excerpt from 'WOOOOOERGH!' by 'Lightning' Pete Giffa Published by Ringpiece Books.] ME...

Britain's Ardest man, ex-bouncer 'Lightning' Pete Giffa is to have a film made about his life what has solely consisted of violence. The...