The Glistening Tortoise
est 2023

INTERVIEW Carly Conduit studied at University and won SUIT-TWAT a year later, earning a financial investment from business loon Brian...

A Theatre Review Toy Town Theatre A bouncer explodes through a door dragging an imaginary assailant in a headlock. The bouncer throws the...

Sources close to part-time 'politician' Boris Johnson today claim he is to announce plans to 'Fuck your Mum' in a crude and juvenile bid...

DIVISION NINE. WEDNESDAY THE SOMETHING OF SOMETHING

DIVISION TWELVE. SATURDAY THE SOMETHING OF THE SOMETHING

CELEBRITY SIGHTING IN TOWN Former Beatle Sir Paul McCartney visits Cafe. International music superstar Sir Paul McCartney paid a surprise...

Fresh from destroying a multi-billion dollar film franchise by insisting on killing off the central character the entire 70 year project...

TELEVISUAL BANTER How We Made 'SUIT-TWAT' by Brian Gitt [Business Guru.] "I got a call in 2009 asking if i'd do a new business themed...

A podcast about a TV show you loved growing up and still love now has been ruined by the three idiots hosting it. The 28 episode series...

POLICE TO GET INVOLVED IN SOLVING CRIME SAYS CONSTABLE Police believe criminals who have been indulging in criminal activity could be...

TELEVISION REVIEW: TOP-DOGS Want a feel for what its like being properly ARD? When I say ‘Ard’ I mean, so ARD even every ARD bloke what...

LOCAL POLITICS Next week the council elections are happening folks, so if you fancy being our new town councillor get down the Parvenu...

Local entrepreneur Trance Whittaker has given himself a high profile award to celebrate the ‘massive success’ of his first year in...

A Town Councillor has resigned following a dramatic meeting of The Town Council last night. The incident, which occurred during a debate...

Outrage is to slosh through Town's streets today after more than 600 people [601] signed a petition entitled ‘Carly Hitler is not...

Gurn Bojangles, competitively priced as the ‘Biggest Twat To Ever Enter Politics’ is to return full-time to his prestigious School and...

BOOK REVIEW: "I’ve been a celebrity since School" begins Andrew Celebrity in the memoir he releases into the wild this week through...

POINTLESS GYM CONVERSATION. EPISODE 1 Two men cross paths in the gym changing rooms. Guy 1 Alright buddy? Guy 2 ...

LOCAL NEWS A museum boost went weird today after Town’s richest man Sir Richard Erect donated money in return for weird return favour he...

NEWS Entrepreneur Rice Zebra made $2 million dollars in eighteen months by doing ‘these 4 things’ he claims in an advert. “I used to be...