The Glistening Tortoise
est 2023

BOOKS! BOOKS! BOOKS! NEW BOOK OUT, MATE! READ OR LISTEN TO THIS BOOK REVIEW BY PROMINENT AUTHOR EYGPT BALLOON ‘Eric Ace is a wanker....

SIR MOLE CLEETHORPES IN CONVERSATION "Sir Mole Cleethorpes, we join you mid-way through an anecdote.."   "You do. And at this juncture a...

STAMP THOROUGHBREAD MEMORIAL SPEECH BY SCREE THOROUGHBREAD Thoroughbread’s Daughter’s speech, performed at last week’s memorial service...

NEWS REPORT Nice guy FOAM ORANGE is to step into the political arena after tipping the piss/sink balance back in the positive.   ORANGE...

BOOK EXTRACT: 'I Was The Last To Leave The Party' by Neal Darken Trellis I was the last to leave the party. This is the opening line of...

'ELLO AGAIN.' EPISODE FOUR THOUSAND NINE HUNDRED AND SIX SCENE ONE. INT. MICK'S GAFF. DAY. Mick’s son’s coming back. First contact in two...

FILM NEWS FROM THE AFTERLIFE Fictional femme fatale FLIB FRAGANT who found fame in 80’s classic action movie TODGER TOWN hits back at...

LIFE EXPERIENCE 'I WOKE UP A COMPLETE BARSTAD' by Rotisserie ‘Quick Shag’ McBore I’ve always been a pleasant man. In 1996 I was voted...

NEW COLUMNIST HELEN DEAD-HUSBAND writes “GET OUT OF MY WAY YOU STUPID LITTLE MAN! ” That’s what I say whenever I encounter a man shorter...

SIR MOLE CLEETHORPES IN CONVERSATION “Sir Mole Cleethorpes, you regularly visit a small market town for recreation, what is it that so...

BOOKS! BOOKS! BOOKS! REVIEW BY ROGER GEESE-KESTREL Twelve time bestselling author PRINCIPIA PARSNIP’S new book is “a thrill-banger, a...

NEW BOOK OUT MATE! SONG HEARTBEAT’S HEARTBREAKING NEW NOVEL ‘A BAD THING HAPPENED, IT ALMOST KNOCKED ME FOR SIX MATE.’ REVIEW by ROGER...

NEW BOOK OUT MATE! 'A RUNNING COMMENTARY [ON WHAT’S HAPPENING IN THE WORLD]' BY Barry Shinpad .   “I DID THIS . NOW THIS IS WHO I AM”...

Starring ROGER CLIMB-DOWN ST PETERS.. THEATRE REVIEW: TOY TOWN THEATRE   TWO MEN MAKING EACH OTHER LAUGH IN A COUNTRY PUB.   ANOTHER MAN,...

THEATRE REVIEW: SHELL by CHARL COCONUT I’VE NEVER SEEN ANYTHING THAT’S IMPRESSED ME BUT YES I AM ONCE AGAIN AT THE THEATRE , this time...

PAID ADVERTISEMENT NEW MOTIVATIONAL COURSE FROM PENZANCE COLOGNE 'THE ART OF ALPHA – BE THE BIGGEST BELL-END IN ANY  ROOM..’ READY to...

LISTEN TO OR READ MURDER MYSTERY TV REVIEW – ‘WHO FARTED IN PARADISE?’ by Triumph Nostalgia. Well this is cosy isn’t it? Very cosy...

TELEVISUAL BANTER: DOCUMENTARY REVIEW: BY PLUNGE WILSON   WE BEGIN WITH CHANGE-BADGER.. “My knee’s playing up” time traveller ROGER...

SIR MOLE CLEETHORPES IN CONVERSATION   "Sir Mole Cleethorpes, you own emotional dustbins.."   "Tanks of emotion, yes."   "Are these of a...

SOCIAL EVENT BRIAN’s changed his name to PASSENGER WELSH , now he’s had enough. His boss refuses to start pursuing his long abandoned...