'Adventures in Self-Esteem'

SIR MOLE CLEETHORPES IN CONVERSATION

Sir Mole Cleethorpes, you recently appeared on television..”

“Yes. I thought, quite rightly as it turned out, that any appearance by me on television would give me a special glow and a celebrity that might lead to a great deal more women than I’ve ever had previously wanting to bounce on my cock.”

“So it was just a ruse?”

“Yes. And a shameless one.”

“And a successful one?”

“Oh good God yes. The general public will fuck anything that’s been on television. I remember seeing a patch of grass on Countryfile once and thinking ‘I’d love to give that a good seeing to.’”

“Has it been a memorable experience?”

“Well of course now we descend into prurience and your wish to drink deep from my swimming pool of lust.”

“I have zero interest in your swimming pool Sir Mole, I simply must ask who you think you are, going about the country and capitalizing on the amazing sexual licence granted by your appearance on national television.”

“I’m an opportunist.”

“Yes.”

“A fornicating, sybaritic arsehole.”

“Yes.”

“But none of that matters because I have a growing network of sexual partners and my days of having to tease out a winner in the garage while my wife's on the phone to Dean Donavan, The Dundee Dildo Despatcher are over.”

“Sir Mole Cleethorpes, thanks ever so.”

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