‘Adventures In Self-Esteem'

An Interview with Sir Mole Cleethorpes.

"Sir Mole Cleethorpes, thankyou for agreeing to this interview. I’d like to begin by asking about your early life. Did you ever, for example, reconcile with your father?"

"An attempt was made and I remember him looking me up and down and saying ‘You’re an oily little shit aren’t you?’ Then he asked if I was wanking yet. I was thirteen years of age and so began what I’ve termed in my autobiography ‘The Commitment.’"

"A commitment to masturbation?"

"To wanking my cock. Yes I took Father’s instructions very much to heart that if I desired his approval, if I ever wanted to see him again, I’d better be wanking my cock at every opportunity."

"And did you ever see him again?"

"Alive? No."

"Sir Mole Cleethorpes, thanks ever so."