‘Adventures In Self-Esteem’

An Interview with Sir Mole Cleethorpes

"Sir Mole Cleethorpes, you recently petitioned Chelmsford Crown Court for the right to wank your cock wherever you please. What was the outcome?"

"Well the outcome was extremely positive. I petitioned Chelmsford Crown Court and a representative of that Court – some sort of administrative person telephoned me immediately and said ‘Fuck off!’ And I pictured the representative – by the sound of their voice – a terribly unpleasant person and immediately got my cock out of its prison and started wanking it."

"Indeed?"

"Yes. There was something in the delivery of his verbal abuse that got my cock hard to the point it was painful and so I encircled it with a protective fist and sought the great release."

"Did the court representative remain on the phone whilst this was occurring?

"Yes. The representative remained on the phone the whole time – about halfway through the call, it went very quiet at his end. I asked ‘Are you wanking?’ and got this sort of grunt in response so I said ‘where are you now? And he replied ‘Chelmsford Crown court, Room 1023 so I slammed the phone down, kept myself engorged on the bus and when I arrived at the venue I saw the man sat naked in a chair watching a hagiographic documentary about The Conservative Party and he turned and made eyes at me and I ran from the room."

"Why did you flee?"

"I’m a helpless pervert I wank my cock 17 times a day often till it’s bleeding but even I have my limits."

"Sir Mole Cleethorpes, thanks ever so."