Adventures In Self-Esteem

An Interview With Sir Mole Cleethorpes

“Sir Mole Cleethorpes, you don’t have any ideas do you?”

“No”

“Have you ever considered becoming Prime Minister?”

“Well – now that is an idea! What qualities would I need do you think?”

“There are many qualities that Prime Minister’s traditionally require but ideas, integrity, compassion do not seem terribly in vogue at the moment.”

“That’s me out of it then!”

“But you are of course Sir Mole, if you will forgive me saying this a bit of a character. Funny..”

“Yes some people find me funny..”

“A parasitical chancer”

“Now steady on. Yes.”

“Sir Mole Cleethorpes, I hereby elect you Prime Minister of Great Britain and Northern Ireland.”

“Do I get any money?”

“You’re salary will be in the low six figures.”

“Rising to what? I’m currently on seven figures.”

“But you will of course be able to make a great deal of money after your term in office.”

“How exactly?”

“Well paid speeches abroad where you make jokes about all your mistakes and how a lot of other people were damaged by them but not you and possibly large publishing advances for your memoirs which blame other people for everything that went wrong and give you sole credit for everything that went well.”

“Excellent and how long must I be in office in order to qualify?”

“The length of time is largely determined by yourself.”

“I see, yes. I RESIGN!”

“I’m sorry?”

“I resign. Now how do I monetise this? A man has to earn a living you know.”

“I have a contact in Switzerland. I can give him a call on your behalf. It may be that his organisation will be very keen to hear the insider account of your time as PM. I’m certain he will happily pay you in the region of 140 thousand pounds.”

“How long would I be required to talk for?”

“Well – perhaps a two minute introduction to kick things off then a 25 minute conversation with my contact, sitting very much as we are now – answering pre-approved questions to which you can give stock answers..”

“It sounds ideal. I’ll take it”

“You will?”

“Yes I’ll take anything I can get my grubby little hands on.”

“Sir Mole Cleethorpes, thanks ever so.”

© 2023 theglisteningtortoise.com