AWARD ROUNDS OFF IMAGINARY RECORD BREAKING FIRST YEAR IN BUSINESS

Local entrepreneur Trance Whittaker has given himself a high profile award to celebrate the ‘massive success’ of his first year in ‘business.’

Whittaker, of ‘Travel You Can Afford Now It’s All Fucked’ announced he has topped £1 billion in sales this year at the glitzy awards ceremony in his own kitchen.

“It’s been one hell of a journey” said Whittaker. “From starting a travel business during a global pandemic when most of the world were legally obliged to remain at home, to winning this amazing award I’ve created for myself, to despatching customers to such far flung paradises as Luton, Walsall and Bradford, its been non-stop but I'd change nothing, especially not the billions of pounds I’ve made, not to mention the heads that turn when I walk into my new health club which is only available to people who’ve been as successful as me. No one at the club is as successful as me – i've checked - I went round the bar asking everyone, which is why I now insist my fellow members apply in writing to talk to me. It’s all good. The other day a very attractive woman got into the jacuzzi next to me and before I knew what was happening she was asking if I was Trance Whittaker and offered me sex. It certainly tops anything that’s ever happened to me as a local bus driver with an active imagination, which I very much still am."

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