"I’M NOT PROUD" INSISTS LONG DEAD GRANDMOTHER.

Silver haired celebrity tit-burglar Blokey Tedious won a televised drawing contest last night. Pitted against four other people not noticeably famous for their artistic ability, Tedious sketched herself under the knife having her breast implants inserted, titled it ‘RE-BIRTH’ and won a cheque for charity for three hundred and nine pounds. Tedious, also known as ‘Bloke’ -an ironic dig at the builder who once shouted ‘Show Us Your Tits!’ at her then fell face-first into cement, was left teary eyed by the result claiming “This is for my Nan. Nanna Sylvie. She died twenty years ago but she always believed in me and she’s up there now shouting ‘YOU SHOW ‘EM GIRL!’ ‘Pete Woooooergh, medium and self-appointed spokesman for ‘Bloke’s’ Grandmother, said ‘I’ve got Nanna here with me now. She’s got a message. She says ‘Tell my Granddaughter to stop pissing her life away on reality tv. She’s got a brain. Bloody well use it!’ Egg on Legs pasta expert Brian Kingston came second with his sketch of Prime Minister Gurn Bojangles being fired from a cannon into a karmic fist.

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