'Increase In Depression Linked To Watching Depressing Shite About Depressing Shite..'

One man social study Tony Crease really got going this week when he tested negative for mental health.

Crease based his latest study on his viewing of a cliched Drug Baron Documentary on Channel Tabloid hosted by long winded monologue merchant Russ Camp.

“I watched, mesmerised as Russ Camp drove his Range Rover through a forest at midnight for a secret rendezvous with Carl Badman, head of one of the world’s biggest drug cartels, selling drugs all over the world to people who somehow seem to think they need them" Crease began.

"As Russ sat in the darkness and waited as he’d been instructed my heart rate hit 90% of its max. Then some headlights flashed and it hit 97%. Russ got out of the car and walked across the forest floor to meet Badman, who understandably wasn’t using his actual real name and had cleverly demanded that his face was pixellated out. I told myself this was so Badman could conceal his identity from the Police. A fact which Russ then got Badman to confirm and I gave myself an actual pat on the back.

I then sat back enthralled as Russ asked lots of questions about what its really like to have given yourself a job involving violence, murder and constant fear. After four minutes I felt shit to be honest. However much money Badman says he has he’ll never properly be able to enjoy it. Russ then asked him how many people he’d murdered and I felt physically sick and relieved my own life hadn’t turned out like that.

I watched till the end and afterwards couldn’t stop asking myself why Russ Camp had bothered. He’d met this bloke who sounded horrible to see if he really was horrible and the moment he met him he found out he was. I had to stay up watching CBeebies till five in the morning, so I could test positive again for mental health.”

Catch Russ Camp next week when he interviews some bloke in prison who’s done things too horrible to write about to discover if there’s anything worthwhile we can learn apart from ‘some people are just fucking mental.’

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