“IT’S TENDONITIS!” ROGER CHANGE-BADGER EMOTES..

 TELEVISUAL BANTER:

DOCUMENTARY REVIEW: BY PLUNGE WILSON

 WE BEGIN WITH CHANGE-BADGER..

“My knee’s playing up” time traveller ROGER CHANGE-BADGER emotes as he sidesteps the WORLD WAR TWO portal and tries to get out of playing tennis with HENRY VIII.

CHANGE-BADGER is in luck. ‘Eighth’ is at this point in our human experiment ‘a big, fat barstad’ who can set up his own Church but you wouldn’t sponsor him for the LONDON MARATHON mate.

Exiting TUDOR ENGLAND, CHANGE BADGER finds PETER ANDRE attempting to restore his six pack to MYSTERIOUS GIRL levels by ‘slapping on the hair gel’ and decides to leave the TIME CORRIDOR altogether to get a sandwich, encountering DEMOB OXWING outside the CO-OP.

CHANGE BADGER gets in DEMOB’s car so he’s got somewhere to eat his lunch and they drive off together and OXWING starts talking. “And it’s a story that might bore you because I’m a very boring person” he begins, entering his life story at the inciting incident – his failed audition to be a presenter on CBEEBIES, which has spiralled into an addiction to driving round BRITAIN 'till the boot of his car's jam-packed with service station sandwiches in between trying to remove any trace of personality so he can pass his GLADIATORS audition.

CHANGE-BADGER grabs a CD out the glovebox, whacks it in and hears a recording of some over-caffeinated recruitment consultant on the phone telling a client he’s about to ‘bang a CV over’ before loudly defecating, an arresting opening, which broadens into an audio drama set at a house party inside the glove OLD MAN HECTIC slips on to fondle your goolies if you sit right next to him on that bench in that park – a rabble rouser gathering where every failure is deliberately celebrated as success and the simple act of trying makes you a hero – ending in the hour of Motivational Self-Talk Hypnosis OXWING is using to ‘gee himself up. CHANGE-BADGER gets both knees up on the dashboard and starts pissing in his own mouth as the trees fly past..

‘The Awakener Awakens From The Dream – a Documentary About The Past That Has Passed’ is available now if you can find it.

©theglisteningtortoise.com 2024