'NICE GUY TIPS PISS/SINK BALANCE..'

NEWS REPORT

Nice guy FOAM ORANGE is to step into the political arena after tipping the piss/sink balance back in the positive.

ORANGE, who also has a first-name, the aforementioned FOAM, found himself in the proximity of a sink last night and did not piss in it.

FOAM, who’s middle-name is WEAPONS, was in a toilet on the train home from the RE-TRAINING FACILITY in which he has spent the past six weeks when the incident did not occur.

“I’m just a nice guy” ORANGE said this morning. “Pissing in sinks is my small act of rebellion over every political decision made since 2016. I consider it an art form but when my wife SPLONGE caught me pissing in the kitchen sink when she was trying to watch MASTERCHEF I agreed to seek help. Everyone at the RE-TRAINING FACILITY was very direct, which I liked. I was told I was on arrival that I was a piss artist, that my behaviour was piss poor and that I had been taking the piss. I then pissed in the little sink they had installed in Reception – a deafening alarm sounded and I was dragged into a windowless room and strapped to a chair and the FACILITY MANAGER said to her colleagues We’ve got a right fucking case here. Six weeks later and here we are. You could lock me pissed in a room full of sinks and not hear a tinkle. I demand to be elected MP for KIDDERMINSTER WEST but if that fails I plan to relapse and get straight back into it. I'd love to have a piss out of a Helicopter. If anyone's got a Helicopter they can get up in the air and don't mind me pissing out of it, get in touch.

As told to ROOF DELICIOUS.

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